4 things you can’t “Boo!”

One of the questions I get a lot when someone finds out I’m a comedian is, “Have you ever gotten booed?” The answer is YES!  Nothing clears your sinuses like a good booing.

And after it happens, you either quit comedy or become fearless. Thankfully, all of my booings have been in small comedy clubs and occurred in the 90’s before camera phones. God is good! Getting booed never feels good but the only thing worse than a private booing is a televised one.  Which brings me to what used to be one of my guilty pleasures to watch on television: Amateur Night at the Apollo.

Some of you may be too young to remember the original “Showtime At The Apollo” but every show had an Amateur Night segment where willing contestants would come out, rub a stump of wood for luck and do what they do. No here’s where it gets interesting. See in a normal talent show the audience would sit there politely no matter how bad you were, but not at the Apollo! That audience didn’t play any of that polite sh*t. If you were trash they were going to let you know, IMMEDIATELY.  Apollo audiences were notorious for booing your ass off the stage if you did not represent.

Which got me thinking, is there anything you can’t boo?  I believe yes.  Below are four things I’ve come up with that you cannot Boo:

  1. Kids – come on man. No matter how bad you want to, you can’t boo kids.  The only way you could maybe boo a kid is if you are a kid, and even then it’s just not cool.
  2. God – you can’t boo God.  Even though if anybody’s skin was think enough to take a booing it’s Mr. All Knowing. I mean, he would know the boo was coming.  Plus, he created the “boo” but hey, just in case he has skin thinner than our current president, it’s probably not a good idea to boo the G-O-D.
  3. Black Women doing anything – that’s right, you better not boo black women.  What’s wrong with you?  If black women have a television show by black women, for black women, about black women, you better not boo.  Black girls rock, man.  I would say you could boo God before you fix your mouth to boo a black woman.  Everything black women do is great.  The end.
  4. Tap dancing.  Because seriously who really knows what the f*ck they are looking at anyway.  It’s a wasted boo. Just sit through it and clap when everybody else does and keep it moving.

In conclusion, if they bring Showtime at the Apollo back and you find yourself a contestant on Amateur Night or you enter any black competition where they you could potentially get booed, and want to be a ‘boo proof act’ — I recommend you be a black woman who tap dances to gospel music while dedicating this performance to your kid.

Good luck out there.